For those of you who follow me normally, on Facebook or Lyf, you would know that my life recently was turned upside down. Something very large changed in my world, resulting in a very reflective period.
This change prompted me to question who I am, what am I doing, and more so, what do I want?
Sitting here now, I know what I want. I want to live my truth. Nothing more, nothing less. Yet, within that statement, there is a significant shift in many other areas of my life.
It means I have had to work through a lot of shit, that I continue to work through. It means I am confronted by a range of realities, things that I now see differently as a result of my own lived experiences.
Because our lived experiences always impact on our journey, on the narrative we choose to create, or not. The reality is, that every experience I have, results in either alignment with how I live my life in that moment, or, not. And when the latter occurs, I have two choices. To allow my narrative to be shaped based on what is true for me, or to allow the narrative of others begin to consume my story.
I am sure at one point or another, we have all been there. You know those moments, where you meet someone that you see in a position of authority for one reason or another, that you hang off every word they say, and you are thankful for any insight they can give you? Where we not only allow another’s story to consume our own, but we welcome it, under false pretenses of authority.
We play into their narrative, providing the ammunition for their own self-importance to again be inflated, fulfilling a need in their story. Yet ours becomes all to distant to our truth, that in time, we risk losing our story all together, only their words, actions, beliefs and processes remaining.
This, is a dangerous place. A place where a person, a group of people or even a concept, can dictate our story to us. A place where our voice and passion begins to shrink, and our words, actions, and emotions don’t seem to matter. A place where who we are becomes distant to the reality of the way we live.
Why, do people allow others to consume their story? Well the answers to this are many. In the moment just been, I became increasingly aware of the desire to just give up. Not in the way you may be thinking, but rather, to allow their story to consume me. Because that way I get to sit back and not take any responsibility, but rather be a pawn in the story of another.
Once, I allowed another story to consume me out of fear, anxiety and downright disbelief in my own process and story.
Once, I allowed another story to consume me due to an intense desire to make a situation better for another.
And the list goes on.
Why we do it, is only really relevant if you are prepared to do the work and move through it. Why, only matters, when you are willing to fight back and reclaim your story.
Because in the why, we can often find excuses.
We can go back into a place where we allow others to write our words, define our narrative. When we are prepared to work for it. Now I could tell you it’s easy, to think positive, to meditate, and all the other things. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and a place for these tools, but there is also a time and a place to sit, to be in your process and to not feel bad about processing in a certain way.
The reality is, we process as we need to. Going through it isn’t easy. Going through it challenges us and pushes us to define our truth over and over again until we truly believe it, and act in a way which aligns with it.
But it’s worth it. Because it is your story. And Your life.
For me, with this change I was reminded of one thing.
This is my story. How I deal with it, how I respond to it, how I engage with the world around me is mine.
It’s time to own it again, to step out of my grief, and honour myself. Allowing myself the space to explore my own grief, my own way, my own story.